Soya Says

I wish I knew of an engaging intro beyond saying I’m going to take you through an uncomfortable experience in an incredibly embarrassing area of the body. I challenge you to read this one on the toilet and tell me if you don’t experience sympathetic phantom pains in your asshole. This will certainly be one of those “well at least I’m not that guy” stories. My journey begins on Friday October 7th, 2022. I wake up with a small, painful bump on the rim of my asshole. I think to myself “eh, probably just a hemorrhoid. Better get some Preparation-H”. Holy fuck I wish I knew how wrong I was going to be. I should have realized something was amiss since the hemorrhoid that I had dealt with in 2014 was itchy and bled easily and frequently. This did neither such thing. The pain was pretty low grade throughout this day. I went to 6am BJJ training, saw a full day of 7 patients, and didn’t dwell much on the soon to be growing pain in my butt. Throughout this story, we’ll be using a numeric pain rat...

This blog entry serves as an intro into who I am and what I do. I think an intro is never a bad thing to have as it may help frame some of my perspectives, actions, etc and give some added context into the bizarre, sometimes awful, sometimes hilarious situations I find myself in. I generally aim to find humor in everything, the metaphorical light in the darkness, because reality is too crushingly awful otherwise. Due to this nature, I am often a purveyor of “too soon” jokes. These entries are going to come and go when the mood hits, which will likely be at some fairly low points. So if you’re thinking “dude, I’d kill to read a Soya story. It’s been a minute.” Just know I haven’t been writing since life has been kind to me for a moment. The former, long dead grammarian in me will weep as I write these entries in conversational prose, abuse parentheses, and ignore many rules I once swore dear to.  I’m Michael Soya. I’d go by Mike, but about 80% or more of Michaels prefer to go by Mik...